safe marriage ?

美國的一位前總統 (Benjamin Frankin) 曾寫一封信鼓勵他的朋友要結婚。他說結婚才是一個完整的結合,而且結婚會讓一個男人更成功更好,更會找到真正的快樂。他又呼籲,若真的不結婚,那要選「熟女」來做伴侶!

他提了8個理由:

  1. 較有智慧,易溝通
  2. 知道如何服務照顧男人
  3. 不會有要照顧小孩的煩惱(孩子已大了,或不會再生了)
  4. 對一個男人的名譽比較好
  5. .... 嗯,反而感覺更好,因為熟女有耐性,有經驗
  6. 和熟女在一起比較沒有罪惡感
  7. 因為比較不會內疚,可以快樂的和伴侶在一起
  8. 熟女會感激你!

但,無論如何,他最後還是建議結婚才是最好的方式。


我覺得這封信很有意思,這是西元1745年的信。可以了解結婚在那時候也是一個嚴重的話題,而,都過267年了,女人的角色似乎還是一個男人的〝選擇〞。

男人和女人的心態完全不同,
男人要名譽要輕鬆,
女人要安穩要可靠。

其實,男人女人要的都很好,困難的就是要找到平衡。

記得,有一天在路上聽到兩位男士的對話:

A:我女友很有規劃,也把自己照顧的很好,她在外商工作,一直都會爭取到她要的。又常常出差... 紐約,倫敦,東京都常去。我好心賞她的能力和獨立。

B:聽起來很優,我記得她也很漂亮!

A:是啊~ 我想趕快結婚,不然男女朋友有時吵個架就分了。

B:快結婚吧!

A:然後結了婚,趕快生!

B:這麼急啊?

A:這樣她就真的不會離開了~

我有點嚇到!

第一句始聽起來還覺得還覺得這位男士很讚,非常尊重他的女友。但,聽到結尾,我有種衝動想跑去和她女友說:「小心!」(雖然我不認識他的女友)

最後,我默默的笑了一下。

我也曾是一位在外商工作,世界各國跑透透的獨立女性。
也曾是生活滿滿,信心滿滿,自由自在,沒有包袱的女孩。
現在,是3個孩子的母親,每天滿滿的行程接送小孩,
以前,看得都是財務報表,
現在,讀得都是ABC & ㄅㄆㄇ。
以前,到高山滑雪,海底看珊瑚,喝著tequila shots。
現在,拜託米老鼠和我小孩抱抱,在人工淺淺的兒童水池“泡腳”,每天擠新鮮果只給先生和小孩喝。

我的生活變了,
我對這世界的感受變了,
我覺得我更豐富了,
我覺得我更有愛了,
我愛我的小孩,
每天雖然讀ABC,但,我學習更多,成長更多。

我依然懷念我以前的生活,以前的獨立,以前的自由,我還是希望有一天我可以再次擁有以前的生活。
可是,我更珍惜我現在有的!

每一天,都在挑戰我的極限!
每一天,我都會開心的笑!
每一天,我都體驗天真的學習!
每一天,我都感受宇宙的奧妙!

可能,我不再是一個遊戲愛情的女子;
以前,真的就像那位A男士說的一樣,吵個架就可以說 bye bye.
現在,我有3個我永遠不想跟牠們說 byebye 的天使!

他們讓我要更好,要更美。
我因為他們而有魅力,而豐富。

想想,我打消那個想衝去跟那位陌生的A男士女友說「小心!」的念頭。

是福?


In this vigorous, straightforward letter, American statesman and scientist Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) encourages a friend to marry. Failing that, Franklin says, his friend should favor "old women to young ones."

Advice on the Choice of a Mistress
by Benjamin Franklin
Philadelphia, June 25, 1745

My dear Friend:


I know of no medicine fit to diminish the violent natural inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper remedy. It is the most natural state of man, and therefore the state in which you are most likely to find solid happiness. Your reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well founded. The circumstantial advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the man and woman united that make the complete human being. Separate, she wants his force of body and strength of reason; he, her fitness, sensibility, and acute discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the world. A single man has not nearly the Value he would have in the state of union. He is an incomplete animal. He resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors. If you get a prudent healthy wife, your industry in your profession, with her good economy, will be a fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this counsel and persist in thinking a commerce with the sex inevitable, then I repeat my former advice, that in all your amours you should prefer old women to young ones. You call this a paradox, and demand my reasons. They are these:

  1. Because as they have more knowledge of the world and their minds are better stored with observations, their conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.

  2. Because when women cease to be handsome they study to be good. To maintain their influence over men, they supply the diminution of beauty by an augmentation of utility. They learn to do a thousand services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old woman who is not a good woman.

  3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much inconvenience.

  4. Because through more experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an intrigue to prevent suspicion. The commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the affair should happen to be known, considerate people might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old woman, who would kindly take care of a young man, form his manners by her good counsels, and prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes.

  5. Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the neck; then the breast and arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all cats are gray, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every knack being by practice capable of improvement.

  6. Because the sin is less. The debauching a virgin may be her ruin, and make her for life unhappy.

  7. Because the compunction is less. The having made a young girl miserable may give you frequent bitter reflection; none of which can attend the making an old woman happy.


8thly and lastly. They are so grateful!!
Thus much for my paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely

Your affectionate friend,

B. Franklin

結婚,要不要?
〉〉幸福婚姻:結婚禮俗知多少?
〉〉不抱怨老公の幸福術:惹人疼的聰明撒嬌法
〉〉每一天都是放手的練習:承諾前先思考

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