當媽媽,希望一切大小事在掌控中,但蜜雪兒認為,成為媽媽,人生不照著計畫走才是做有趣的部分。梅根與蜜雪兒聊母職、談孩子,原來第一家庭的媽媽們和我們有同樣的煩惱,而她們分享:「孩子,不要完成我的願望,請成為自己;媽媽,我們一起練習,在愛裡放手。」

「我會是一個好媽媽嗎?」這個問題,不只我們曾經想過,第一家庭的媽媽們也正煩惱著。

新手媽咪梅根・馬克爾(Meghan Markle)在九月份英國 《Vogue》 雜誌向美國前第一夫人蜜雪兒・歐巴馬(Michelle Obama)提問,兩個媽媽們展開了對母職、教養的六問六答。(延伸閱讀:打破傳統!英國梅根王妃選擇在家生下寶寶

帶你一起看,兩位媽媽們經歷了哪些互相激盪的對話,讓蜜雪兒・歐巴馬最後告訴梅根:「享受這一切吧!」(Savour it all!)


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所謂當媽媽這件事,是一次又一次學習「放手」

梅根:今年母親節,妳傳了非常溫暖的祝福訊息給我。聊聊「母職」,教會了我們什麼?
You sent me the kindest message on Mother’s Day this year. What has motherhood taught you?

蜜雪兒:當一個母親是一趟深度學習「放手」的過程。即使我們窮盡一切努力,在我們掌握之下的事情仍然有限。作為一名母親,我們只是不希望任何事或任何人傷害我們的寶貝,但人生往往在計畫之外,包括那些瘀青的膝蓋、顛頗的路,和受傷的心,都是我們要練習與之相處的。

Being a mother has been a masterclass in letting go. Try as we might, there’s only so much we can control. And, boy, have I tried – especially at first. As mothers, we just don’t want anything or anyone to hurt our babies. But life has other plans. Bruised knees, bumpy roads and broken hearts are part of the deal.

「母職」教會我的事是,多數時候,我的工作不是要讓孩子成為當年我希望成為的人,而是給孩子們空間去探索,發展出他們理想的模樣,並打從心底知道自己是誰。

Motherhood has taught me that, most of the time, my job is to give them the space to explore and develop into the people they want to be. Not who I want them to be or who I wish I was at that age, but who they are, deep inside.

母職還教我的事是,我的工作不該像推土機一樣,為孩子開闢一個康莊大道,減少所有可能的逆境。與其如此,我要是一個當他們無可避免地墜落時,令人安心、感到堅定、能降落的所在;同時,一次又一次地展現給他們看:如何靠自己的力量重新站起來。

Motherhood has also taught me that my job is not to bulldoze a path for them in an effort to eliminate all possible adversity. But instead, I need to be a safe and consistent place for them to land when they inevitably fail; and to show them, again and again, how to get up on their own.


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孩子,不要完成我的願望,請成為自己

梅根:你給你的女兒們哪些建議?

What advice do you give your daughters?

蜜雪兒:不要像當年的我一樣,只是把應該要做的事情,一個一個從清單裡打勾完成。我告訴她們,我希望她們不斷地嘗試新經驗,直到感覺對了。而你前一天感覺對的事,不一定今天也有同樣的感覺,這是 OK 的,甚至很棒的。

Don’t just check the boxes you think you’re supposed to check, like I did when I was their age. I tell them that I hope they’ll keep trying on new experiences until they find what feels right. And what felt right yesterday might not necessarily feel right today. That’s OK – it’s good, even.

當我還在念大學時,我以為我想成為一名律師,因為它聽起來是一個給善良、值得尊敬的人的工作。我花了好幾年去聆聽自己內心的直覺,才找到一條由內而外更適合成為自己的道路。

When I was in college, I thought I wanted to be a lawyer because it sounded like a job for good, respectable people. It took me a few years to listen to my intuition and find a path that fit better for who I was, inside and out.

成為自己,是一個不斷進行的過程,感謝天,因為如果哪一天醒來,沒有任何目標能決定前進,人生還有什麼樂趣呢?這點是我希望我可以早點領悟的。還是年輕女性時,我花太多的時間擔心我做得不夠,或我離我自以為的既定道路太遠。

Becoming who we are is an ongoing process, and thank God – because where’s the fun in waking up one day and deciding there’s nowhere left to go? That’s something I wish I’d recognised a little earlier. As a younger woman, I spent too much time worrying that I wasn’t achieving enough, or I was straying too far from what I thought was the prescribed path.

我希望我的女兒們早一點明白的事是,轉一個彎是沒有關係的,而這份自信是需要時間才能明白的。

What I hope my daughters will realise a little earlier is that there is no prescribed path, that it’s OK to swerve, and that the confidence they need to recognize that will come with time.


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教孩子長大,不分你是男孩還是女孩

梅根:如果這些建議要給兒子們,會有哪些不同?或者相同?

How would that advice be different if you were offering it to sons? Or would it be the same?

蜜雪兒:建議會完全相同。我的父母,尤其是我的爸爸,在我哥哥和我很小的時候就教我們平等地對待男生和女生。當我還在讀小學時,我的父親買了一組拳擊手套給我哥,但當他從店裡走回家時,他並非買一組,而是兩組手套。在沒有確保自己的女兒也可以打出一個左勾拳前,他是不會教自己的兒子如何用拳頭的。

It would be exactly the same. My parents, particularly my father, taught my brother and me at an early age to treat boys and girls exactly the same. When I was still in elementary school, my dad bought my brother a pair of boxing gloves. But when he came home from the store, he was carrying not one, but two pairs of gloves. He wasn’t going to teach his son to punch without making sure his daughter could throw a left hook, too.

現在,我的年紀、體型比哥哥小,但我能跟得上他。我可以像他一樣躲開猛擊,也可以像他一樣用力揮拳。我爸爸知道這個,也希望我哥哥也看到這件事,我們是平等的。

Now, I was a little younger and a little smaller than my brother, but I kept up with him. I could dodge a jab just like he could, and I could hit just as hard as him, too. My father saw that. I think he wanted to make sure that my brother saw that as well.


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教育,可以改變一個女孩的人生

梅根:是什麼激勵了你創辦女性機會聯盟 Girls Opportunity Alliance,而你的目標又是什麼?
(女性機會聯盟 Girls Opportunity Alliance 是一隸屬在歐巴馬基金會底下的計畫,尋求教育管道來賦予青少女力量)

What inspired you to start the Girls Opportunity Alliance [a programme of the Obama Foundation that seeks to empower adolescent girls through education], and what is your goal?

蜜雪兒:今日,世界上有將近 9800 萬青少女沒有上學。對女孩來說,是一個悲劇,當然,對我們來說也是。想像一下我們正在錯過的事情。我們知道,當我們教育女性,當我們真正地投資她們的潛能,所帶來的美好將無可限量。受教育的女性擁有更健康的家庭,她們賺更多的薪水,當女性可以投身職場,世界也會享受他們投身帶來的正向影響。

Today, nearly 98 million adolescent girls around the world are not in school. That’s a tragedy – for the girls, of course, but also for all of us. Think of everything we’re missing out on. We know that when we educate girls, when we truly invest in their potential, there is no limit to the good it can do.Girls who attend school have healthier families, they earn higher wages, and the world gets to experience the full expression of their gifts.

我創立女性機會聯盟,因為我曾經在我自己身上看見教育的力量。而且我相信每一個小女孩,無論她身處什麼情況,她都值得一個學習的機會,以她的知識去成長跟行動。

I formed the Girls Opportunity Alliance because I’ve seen the power of education in my own life. And I believe that every little girl, no matter her circumstances, deserves the opportunity to learn, grow and act on her knowledge.

因此,我們串連世界各地深耕當地的領導者們,幫助他們從彼此身上學習、得到資源、互助支持,並提供可以促進女力抬頭的社群平台。我們很感謝世界各地有許多人支持,並有興趣對這項計畫採取行動。

So, we’re connecting grass-roots leaders already working on the ground in countries all over the world, helping them to learn from each other and get the resources, support and platform they need to lift up girls in communities that can use a boost. And we are grateful to all the people around the world who have supported this programme and are interested in taking action to help.


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只要還有女孩被噤聲,就沒有停止奮戰的一天

梅根:如果你坐在 15 歲的自己身旁,你認為她看見今日的成就,她會告訴你什麼?

If you were sitting down with your 15-year-old self, what do you think she would tell you, seeing who you have become today?

蜜雪兒:我愛死這個問題了。我 15 歲的時候很快樂,但青少年時期的我對自己有很高的期待與要求。所以,我猜想她應該會對我現在成為的樣子感到很驕傲,但她不會輕易放過我。我感覺,她會對我代表認同的靜靜點頭,你懂吧?

I love this question. I had a lot of fun when I was 15, but when it came right down to it, teenage-me was pretty by the book – straight As, through-the-roof standards for herself. So I imagine that she’d be proud of how far I’ve come – but she wouldn’t let me off the hook, either. I feel like she’d give me one of those silent nods of recognition, you know?

她提醒了我,還有許多在南芝加哥的女孩們被噤聲、被唾棄,或者被說:「妳們夢做得太大了。」她會告訴我,持續為她們奮戰。如果要我誠實地說,她應該會因為我的老公很可愛而會心一笑。

She’d remind me there are still too many girls on the South Side of Chicago who are being shushed, cast aside or told they’re dreaming too big. She’d tell me to keep fighting for them. If I’m being honest, she’d probably smile about how cute my husband is, too.

當媽有時像魔法,享受這一切吧!

梅根:現在,讓我們換一個方向,用一個不按牌理出牌的問題來結束訪問:你聽過最美麗的聲音是?

And now to shift gears for a moment, and end with a wild-card question...What is the most beautiful sound that you’ve ever heard?

蜜雪兒:當瑪莉雅跟娜塔莎剛出生時,巴拉克・歐巴馬光是看著他們睡覺就能花掉好幾個小時。我們好愛聽她們發出的小小聲音,尤其是他們熟睡作夢時。但別誤會我的意思,當小小孩的爸媽是很累人的。我相信這些日子以來你已經略知一二。

When Malia and Sasha were newborns, Barack and I could lose hours just watching them sleep. We loved to listen to the little sounds they’d make – especially the way they cooed when they were deep into dreaming. Don’t get me wrong, early parenthood is exhausting. I’m sure you know a thing or two about that these days.

但關於家裡有一個寶寶,有一些神奇的事。時光延展和收斂,每一個瞬間都擁有屬於自己的片刻永恆。我很高興你跟哈利正在經歷這些。梅根,享受這一切吧!

But there is something so magical about having a baby in the house. Time expands and contracts; each moment holds its own little eternity. I’m so excited for you and Harry to experience that, Meghan. Savour it all.


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成為母親,成為自己

雜誌未出刊,我們已經可以從梅根和蜜雪兒・歐巴馬的訪問中感受到,梅根要透過這一次機會,團結各地女性力量的企圖心。她不只要讓具有影響力的名字被記得,更要讓世界重新認識女性帶來的改變。(延伸閱讀:Handsome Lady|不只是哈利王子未婚妻!梅根・馬克爾:我自信,我是女性主義者

蜜雪兒・歐巴馬沒有以前第一夫人之姿論相夫教子之道,她真摯且腳踏實地地說為母心聲,讓我們與梅根看到,無論貧富貴賤,天下所有母親的心,都是一樣溫暖如水。

我們看見,放手不只是屬於母親的練習,更是每個人在成長過程中,要尋找的勇氣與智慧;我們看見,聆聽內在的聲音與召喚,是一趟值得花時間去經驗的旅程;更重要的是,我們看見,每一個女人,包括第一家庭的女性,都在成為母親的過程中,重新認識女孩時期的自己,以更堅定的模樣,踏在成熟女人的路上。